I don't think this feeling ever goes away.
I always feel like there's something I need to do...and there always is.
Like right now...I'll just make a list of some of the things I need to do;
- English homework
- Math homework
- Clean
- Eat
- Write
- Reply to emails
- Exercise
- Practice art
- Take pictures

And etc etc.

But these are sort of my lazy years...you know, I wasn't like this as a child...from the time I was allowed outdoors by myself, to a few years ago, the outdoors were my life. I could stay out all day from the time I got home, til the time they made me come in, which was usually when it got dark or soon after. I didn't have siblings, so I had to entertain myself...and I did. My imagination ran wild...I had imaginary friends, seeing as I didn't really have many kids to play with around me, and I didn't really have solid friends...one in Pre-K, a couple in fourth, and a few in fifth...I still don't have many, but...I've just always been the weird kid -shrug- Anyways, I could entertain myself with my imaginary friends, by living in their world, and telling a story...I can still recall so much from back then...anyways, I guess I won't get into all that...point is, I used to be a lot more active and creative...it seems like I should be more of those in my teenage years, but I'm not really...

Well, I guess I'm still creative, it just doesn't get out. I would love to be good at art...I will honestly sit and cry and become depressed if I sit and think about the fact that I'm not artistically inclined...which is why I need to get off that subject.

Point of all that is, I have a lot of crap to do just...not really any motivation I guess. Like with school work. I honestly HATE school. The teachers are jerks, the kids are jerks, the work is hard, there's too much of it...it's just...I hate it. And I know I sound crazy, but I do want to be a teacher...of elementary school, that is. I went and job shadowed some, and my former teacher I went and job shadowed with said that I'd probably end up hating it by the end of the day...and even after having to deal with loud children, getting rammed in the back of the foot with a push cart by a kid, going around to multiple children and answering the same question over and over...I found I loved it as much as I thought I would...and I cannot wait till I go to college, get out, and start my career. But for now, there's not much motivation to do my homework, because it stresses me out so much. Especially with math. I've never understood math, and it's probably one of the things I've most cried over in my life...yeah, I cry a lot, whatever, don't remind me. I cry over a lot of things, that's just one of them. Anyways, I just don't feel motivated to do something I know I'll never use...

I think I shall bring this to a close by saying that my original reason for writing a journal was to say that I planned on writing a poem...I have so many I need to post on here as well, but I want to write a brand new one today. It'll make me look all dark and stuff, considering it's a bit about abuse...and the only other poem I have on here is about abuse. But really, most of my poems are happier than that. Oh, speaking of the other poem, do you think it needs a mature content thing? I know some people might would think so, because of a bit of violence...and I think I might put it on the next one cause I'm thinking it will be more violent...just sayin'.

I may actually go eat now...and then maybe math? I dunno.